Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.