Just cropdusted the office
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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