if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
