You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Even my vagina gasped.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
