I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
