Tell her she can't have a vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
