We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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