I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
