Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I didn't notice because vodka
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
