Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
