Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
