handjob tips. give me some.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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