You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
