I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
