There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
