sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
