my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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