There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
