I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
