Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
