Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
