I think my fart just growled at me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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