tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
