Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
