I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
