yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
