He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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