It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
