Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
