walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's like heaven, but drunker
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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