Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
