I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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