No, you can still breathe under the balls.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
