I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
