doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you will always have a special place in my vag
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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