some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
