I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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