so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
