i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
