There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
