So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you win again, gameday.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
