"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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