I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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