yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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