Is it because I queefed?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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