It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
