Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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