I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
