He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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