I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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