This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
