I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize