My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
