Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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