Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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