Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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