put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
