so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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