you will always have a special place in my vag
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
