I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
