he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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