If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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