just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
