i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
