I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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