Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
