I'm eating all of the evidence.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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