mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
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Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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