Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
