in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
