I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
